Here we are in the first quarter of the most impactful unprecedented COVID19 pandemic. We are meeting on Zoom and no longer freely roam our cities, going to coffee shop meetups, eat out at restaurants or socialize on school campuses. When the longest Spring Break known to man began two months ago, I knew personally our family was in for a lot of changes. We were over our heads in a lot of ways and when the world shut down, it felt inevitable that we would be rolling up our sleeves come Summer as much as I tried to stay little in April and pull the covers over my head. The mirror was always there and it was time to dig deep and find our Why. Why do we live this way? Why are we making these choices? Why have I made these choices? Even indecisiveness is a choice as much as I would like to deny that. I am so grateful for my lifers — those are the people in my inner circle I can be honest with, seek wise counsel, and help get clarity on what my actual choices are and the consequences I am willing to live with. I remember in 2007 life was coming pretty fast and I needed help navigating. I had no idea how to find a therapist but I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. That therapist was pretty good, but admittedly I had been running for years on denial and when she asked me some pointed questions, I just wasn’t ready to face those facts. In 2012, I tried again. A wonderful somatic therapist helped me to process some past trauma. I wasn’t committed to seeing it through, maybe it was financial reasons. In 2014, I remember pacing around my driveway thinking I just can’t keep living like this with all this unresolved anxiety in my own skin. That was the beginning of my beautiful relationship with Shelly. I’m not a very good patient. I have a hard time identifying emotions all save anger. She would give me CBT assignments and while I would think about them, I rarely did them. But I knew I was getting stronger, and gaining clarity. I don’t know where I would be without Shelly during this pandemic. If you don’t have a therapist, let this be an encouragement to you… that if I can do it (face my feelings)- Miss Chickenshit USA, then you can, too. I wish I knew much younger how beneficial it is to talk about your feelings, to be validated and challenged to let them go, or be brave enough to make changes. Maybe the question is Why Not?